Is your child a.... tagger? Rat them and collect $500!

Is little Kendra coming home with paint stains on her fingers? Is Lambert carrying around fat markers than he cannot explain?

If so, your child may be a tagger... and if you act fast (and live in Santa Ana, CA) you can collect $500 for ratting the brat out. Some restrictions apply.

Thanks, PSFK!

Technorati : graffiti, santa ana, stupid officialdom tricks, tagging

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 12:07am in Bizarre & Amusing | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Mark lives in Ikea -- and both win

I've always had a love/hate relationship with IKEA, the Swedish furniture (and everything else in your house) retailer, though the love quotient has gone up with IKEA's improvements in design and product quality. Approached judiciously, IKEA can be the source of beautiful, functional (albeit mass-produced and so anything but unique) furniture.

But I'd never want to live at IKEA.

Not so Mark Malkoff, who is living this week in the IKEA store in Paramus, New Jersey. Malkoff, who works on Comedy Central's The Colbert Report, needed a crash-pad this week -- his flat is being fumigated -- so he asked IKEA if he could live with them. And they said "Sure, come on over..."

Mark Lives In Ikea

Malkoff is filming his experience and submitting daily updates to YouTube. Naturally, he has MySpace and Facebook pages. You can even arrange to visit Mark.

What's great is that it's an amusing, no-brainer, win for both IKEA and Malkoff.

If IKEA is smart, it will have nothing to say about Malkoff's stay. Far better to let word spread across the Net. Word might not spread across the Net, of course, but that's OK since IKEA has nothing invested in the first place. If word does spread, IKEA comes out looking good.

IKEA's potential mistake -- and I hope they don't make it -- is to capitalize on the happening, which, I think, would rob it of much of its value.

What do you think?

Technorati : IKEA, Mark Malkoff, Mark lives in IKEA, branding

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 02:12pm in Bizarre & Amusing | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Amtrak stops trains for Daylight Saving Time

They stop the train for Daylight Saving Time? I can't believe it's been two years since I posted this... I still love the idea.

Technorati : Amtrak, daylight saving time, daylight savings time

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:34am in Bizarre & Amusing, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0)

Visions and voices from the past: Paleo-future

Ever lose yourself in a 30-year old copy of Newsweek or Life -- in the issue where they tell (told) you what life would be like in 2007?

You can do that every day at the Paleo-Future Blog ("A look into the future that never was").

Here's one "house of the future" -- summer all year 'round, thanks to the wonders of electricity.

Via The Proceedings of the Athanasius Kircher Society.

    Technorati : athanasius kircher society, paleo-future

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 12:16am in Bizarre & Amusing, History | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0)

This is how we enforce the speed limit in Denmark

Update: YouTube took down the video, but I have updated the link below. Googling "speedbandits" will take you to a whole raft of sites where you can view it.

One reason I like living in Denmark is because the public service announcements are -- how should I put it? -- more interesting than those of other countries.

My friend Bryan Wilder is the lucky bastard who plays journalist Bart Sweeney in the film. He always gets the good gigs.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 04:00pm in Advertising, Bizarre & Amusing, Denmark | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (13)

Miss Dewey: a search engine for Lee Hopkins

Brother Lee Hopkins, who likes a pretty ankle almost as he likes a good Googling, can have both with Miss Dewey, a fetching, though tart-tounged, virtual receptionist.

Via PSFK

Read more "Miss Dewey: a search engine for Lee Hopkins"

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:11pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Gadgets & Toys, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2)

Judge Pendleton Gaines orders lawyers to cut crap, go to lunch

In what I can only admire as a remarkable act of judicial common sense, Arizona Superior Court Judge Pendleton Gaines has ordered Defendant's counsel to accept Plaintiff's counsel's invitation to lunch.

In support of his order (in the case of Physicians Choice of Arizona v. Miller, et al.,) Judge Gaines quotes Jose Ortega y Gasset ("conversation has been called the 'socializing instrument par excellence'") and John Dryden ("Sweet discourse, the banquet of the mind").

His kind words about Defendant's counsel's rhetorical skills will, I am certain, allay Defendant's counsel's fear of a prandial ambush:

"Defendant's counsel distrusts Plaintiff's counsel's motives and fears that Plaintiff's counsel's purpose is to persuade Defendant's counsel of the lack of merit in the defense case. The Court has no doubt of Defendant's counsel's ability to withstand Plaintiff's counsel's blandishments and to respond sally for sally and barb for barb."

But Gaines isn't to be trifled with. When Defendant's counsel agrees to have lunch with Plaintiff's counsel at "Ruth's Chris" restaurant, the Judge immediately sees through the subterfuge and fires off a footnote:

"Everyone knows that Ruth's Chris, while open for dinner, is not open for lunch. This is a matter of which the Court may take judicial notice."

Whipping out a Zagat's Guide from beneath his robe, Gaines orders the parties to choose from his list of "fine restaurants within easy driving distance...." And he goes on to direct how the bill shall be divided (and, thoughtfully, orders a 20% tip included).

He will brook no delay:

"The lunch must be conducted and concluded not later than August 18, 2006. The Court is aware of the penchant of Plaintiff's counsel to take extended cruises during the summer months."

And finishes helpfully:

"The Court suggests that serious discussion occur after counsel have eaten. The temperaments of the Court's children always improved after a meal."

Having given Plaintiff's counsel what it wanted, Judge Gaines now gives something to Defendant's counsel:

"To demonstrate ... that the Court has more on its mind than lunch, the Court [grants] Defendant's motion to strike Plaintiff's proposed amended complaint.

Plaintiff's proposed amended complaint is ... prolix and discursive in the extreme. It violates the observation of French philosopher Blaise Pascal, who concluded a long letter with an apology, saying "he had not the leisure to make it shorter." Since this is a 2003 case with no end in sight, Plaintiff's counsel has the leisure to make his complaint shorter."

Speaking for myself, Judge Pendleton Gaines gets my support for the next open seat on the US Supreme Court.

Hat tip to Andrea Weckerle.

Update: in a 2002 interview, Judge Gaines talks about the great advantages technology brings to the courtroom. We like His Honor even more, now!

Technorati Tags: pendleton gaines, law, humor, arizona superior court

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:27pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Humor, Law | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0)

Introducing the Better Desirable Roasted Communications Podcast

The Better Desirable Roasted Communications Cafe is now open for business.

Come on inside, grab a cup of Joe, and eavesdrop on Allan Jenkins and Lee Hopkins as they ‘chew the fat’ for 18 minutes on business communication issues.

In today’s chat they’re discussing how to make that ‘first’ suggestion to a client or your boss when you’re fresh out of college, as well as the merits or otherwise of using aggressive print DM tactics on the web.

And tell us how often you want to hear us — never again? once a week? a couple of times a week? more (are you a glutton for punishment?)?

Download [8mb] and listen right now, and don’t forget to subscribe to the RSS feed to catch every sparkling discussion as Allan and Lee pass the coffee pot around.

Agree with them? Disagree? Drop your comments on this post, or send them a Waxmail.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 11:23am in Bizarre & Amusing, Communication, Podcasting | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1)

KaChing! ..... A path to riches

Just minutes after I said the fee for reposting my stuff without permission would cost €100/day/post, http://allanjenkins.mobitype.com reprinted the post. And, in doing so, accepted my terms.

I am going to be sooooo rich, because, as far as I calculate, they are way up into the thousands.

Post on! Post on!

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 10:21pm in Bizarre & Amusing | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0)

Short update on the Sprint Ambassador diplomatic crisis

Still no reply to my email to "Bob" (you will remember I had to assign him a name) at Sprint. I do hope he will reply in such a way that I can restore diplomatic relations with Sprint and say "ok, we're friends again!"

In the meantime, the estimable Mike Sansone at Copywriting Watch makes his own suggestion to Sprint on my behalf. It's lovely, and I wish I'd thought of it. And if Sprint takes him up on it, I will sing their praises to high heaven.

"Here's my suggestion to Sprint (Bob?). Send a note of sincere apology to Allan. Invite him to choose three people he knows in the target markets to become a Sprint Ambassador. They don't have to be bloggers. Allan's choice - pure and simple. Then over deliver. Somehow. Just don't pull a Nvidia."

That's what it's about, everyone (and I mean everyone!): market ethically (don't spam), but if you do mess up, apologize! And over deliver to your victim! It's an easy thing, and we have all seen it work a thousand times. Unfortunately, we still see it too little.

So, Bob at Sprint Ambassador Team. If you take up Mike's suggestion, I will choose three of my friends back in the United States, all of whom could have stepped out of the pages of The Tipping Point, and you can make them ambassadors. I'll be happy, they will (that is, if you over deliver) be happy, and you will be happy. It's win-win-win for us all!

Also, I've sent an email to Lori Joseph, a senior communicator at Sprint, prominent IABC leader, and former colleague of mine on IABC's board of directors. Since she's all about good corporate communication and marketing ethics -- and knows how to get things done -- I am sure all of this will be speedily and happily resolved.

Technorati: Sprint, sprint ambassador, mike sansone, Copywriting Watch, diplomatic immunity, lame pitches

Related post: Desirable Roasted Coffee breaks diplomatic relations with Sprint Ambassador Team

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 02:14pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Communication, Ethics, Is Tedious in the House?, Marketing, Public Relations | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3)

Desirable Roasted Coffee breaks diplomatic relations with Sprint Ambassador Team

The Sprint Ambassador program got around to me today, which I guess ranks me about like Niger or Mali on their diplomatic list. I mean, they got to Rubel (France?) and Jarvis (NATO?) months ago, and we all know those big portfolios go fast.

And I am sure when they first started handing out portfolios, they did it nicely. Personally. With finesse.

But we low life get spam. Oh, yes. And no love.

Here's the sordid tale we third-worlders tell over stale canapés down at the chancery while we watch the jackals circle the sickly hippo. This afternoon I received this dispatch:

Hi Allan,

The Sprint Ambassador Team recently visited Allanjenkins.typepad.com and wants to invite you to participate in our Ambassador Program.

The Sprint Ambassador Program is all about exploring our latest products and services and allows you to give direct feedback to Sprint. We recently launched the Sprint Power Vision (SM) Network and want to provide you with the full experience, at no charge. Sprint Power Vision Network enables customers to download data at faster speeds and experience new data products.

So what?s the deal?

As a qualified participant, we will send you one Sprint Power Vision phone and provide you with six months of all-access service (at no charge). You?ll have access to the Sprint Music Store(SM) live TV broadcasts, gaming and more. Yes, you will also have unlimited free calling and data service. It?s a pretty good deal and all we ask for in return is your candid feedback (you decide how much and how often).

We look forward to receiving your registration!

The Sprint Ambassador Team

Look past, if you can, the banal prose that should flunk any college freshman. That's not important. What is important:

1. A "team" visited my site, wrote the letter, and signed it, but no names! Yet, they feel perfectly free to call me by first name. Now, I know that is a practice in direct mail marketing, and have long ago given up bitching about it, but it shows right off that this Cluetrain never got out of the station.
2. They visited (fill in the blank) my blog. But they didn't read it. How do I know? Well, they would have seen the Bacon's Information fiasco and trod more carefully, perhaps. They also would have quickly learned I live 4000 miles away from their nearest outpost and can only use their phone as a paperweight.
3. Oh, and it's exactly the same pitch they gave to Jarvis, way back before the waterholes dried up.

Not wanting to be appointed to an ambassadorship for which I am patently unqualified, I shot off this cable:

I am so glad you dropped in on Desirable Roasted Coffee (http://allanjenkins.typepad.com).

And I am happy that it's led to a Sprint Ambassador invitation.

Unfortunately, you didn't actually read the blog did you? Tell the truth!

Because if you had, you'd know two things:

1) I eat PR spammers who try to ingratiate themselves by saying they read my blog for breakfast (Don't believe me? Go here for a taste: http://allanjenkins.typepad.com/my_weblog/2005/11/bacons_informat.html )

2) I live in Copenhagen, Denmark -- any fool who had read the blog would know that. Clearly, I'm not in your customer catchment area.

No, Sprinters, you vacuumed up my address, and probably thousands of others, and spammed me.

Very, very stupid move. Just ask the folks at Bacon's.

Ok, Ok... a little rough around the edges, but since I never had diplomatic relations with them before now, what am I to do?

Sprint Ambassador Team, being nothing if not fleet, replied quickly with a terse note (uh, oh, I think that's bad):

Hi Allan,

This is not spam. We had noticed your interest in innovation and interactive technology and decided to extend an invitation to you.

Thank you,

The Sprint Ambassador Team

This is why diplomatic relations collapse. This is why countries go to war. When bullheaded "we automatons are going to give him a phone whether he can use it or not" meets "uhm, I'm not your target group, so why do you keep me in your sights?"

I issued the following demarche:

Do any of you have a name? I am sure the entire Sprint Ambassador Team did not collectively send either one of these mails. Since you feel free to be on first name basis with me, it's only fair that I am on first name basis with you.

John? Christy? Jorgé? Bob? Charmaine? Hell, just choose one.

Let's assume "Bob" until I am corrected.

Bob... the Cluetrain Manifesto says let your people come out and talk to us possible customers. Don't hide behind some sort of "team".

Ok. Now let's go back to the start:

You did not read my blog, Bob. Admit it. If you had, you'd know I was the wrong person to approach for two reasons:

1) I hate being pitched by anonymous pitchers who think they are hip because they have sold "bloggers" as a target group to their boss.

2) I live -- hello? -- 4000 miles from your nearest outpost. Send me the damned phone, but be aware I can only use it as a paperweight.

And, Bob... it was, and is, spam.

Do you really want me to be Sprint's ambassador? Well.... I could easily be. Not every ambassador is exactly what the foreign ministry had in mind.

I hope -- I most certainly hope -- Rubel and anyone else who grabbed this "deal" a few months ago were wined and wooed by Sprint. Because if they fell for this piece of hucksterism, then they sure aren't the gurus some think they are. Jarvis took them to task pretty fast.

Me? I've sent out the gunboats. I break all diplomatic relations with Sprint.

Technorati: diplomatic immunity, jeff jarvis, sprint ambassador, steve rubel, lame pitches, micropersuasion

Related post: Steve Rubel lashes out at the Blogging for Benjamins crowd... about time, I'd say

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 12:07am in Bizarre & Amusing, Communication Skills, Is Tedious in the House?, Public Relations, Scams | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2)

Thai take-out can be a revolutionary experience, comrades

So last night I was at the local Thai place for take-out. I hadn't called in advance, so I had to wait. I didn't mind; they have a sort of open kitchen, and I like to watch cooks work. But the window is cut in such a way that you can only see the cooks from the neck down.

Now, most Thai restaurants have some sort of soundtrack of traditional Thai tunes going, but this one doesn't. I didn't notice that until I realized that a tune was picking its way into my brain. At first I thought it was a brain-song... you know, one of those songs you can't shake out of your head, but then I realized this wasn't in my head, but  coming from the kitchen.

It was a cook whistling.

Whistling the Internationale (.mp3), of all songs I never thought I would hear whistled in the 21st century, but there you are. And he was very good, carrying through a couple of verses before he had to stop and talk to another chef.

Well, as soon as he got done chatting, he's off again. This time, I swear, it was La Marseillaise. And I mean spirited, I mean spirited-like-in-the-bar-scene-in-Casablanca spirited.When Madeleine LeBeau sobers up and stands at attention with tears in her eyes as she belts it out.

About that time, they delivered up my order, so I didn't get to find out what he was going to pull next from the Revolutionary Songbag. I have no idea what motivated it. I don't know if it was a subtle message to management.

All power to the workers. And it was pretty good pad thai, too.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 09:02pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Bizarre & Unexpected, Food, Music | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2)

Power Genitalia, anyone?

Lee Hopkins, who lounges wantonly on the DRC Futon of Antipodean Communication (disclaimer: the title is honorary, freely bought and sold, and implies nothing), is off in Dubai this week. Teaching communication. If you start seeing Dubai in the news, you heard it here first.

Before leaving though, he dropped this bomb of a post on us: domain names gone bad.

Ouch.

I want to meet the person who, with a straight face, bought www.penisland.com  for their employer -- a seller of fountain pens. And I mean the one that did it with a straight face... not the one that didn't think about it.

All kidding aside... what's behind these sort of mistakes?

I worked in a company in the late 90s that bought hundreds of domain names. The corporate counsel and I reviewed them all. I hope we never let anything like this by us.

Update: Dan Hill of Flying Aqua Badgers did some useful checking, and believes these names were deliberately chosen. After reading his post, I tend to agree. Oh, well.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 02:57am in Bizarre & Amusing | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2)

Steve Crescenzo takes aim at Desirable Roasted Coffee... sit down, Steve, you're making the dog nervous.

Steve Crescenzo knows  no greater joy in life than channeling the late Dr. Thompson in the service of corporate communication. But was it an attempt at gonzo'ism that led Steve to turn his big gun on the Coffee? Petulance issues? Flatulence? Bad hair day?

Steve's bill of indictment against moi is as astounding and entertaining as the National Enquirer. Among other nasty things, he says "Jenkins has a thing about print. He can't stand it."

Well, Steve doesn't know me, but those that do will be chuckling at that line. As one of my ex-wives used to say, "It's supposed to be a house, Allan, not a goddamned bookstore." I should be on Jeff Bezos' personal holiday card list.

Let's look at how Steve says I got on his "last nerve" (and...which one was that?).

[Jenkins] was talking about how he doesn’t read anything in print anymore. Well, he actually says he reads two daily newspapers in print, but only because they are so “hopeless” in digital form. “But as soon as they wake up and provide RSS feeds to subscribers, I won’t touch their paper form,” he writes.

No, I never said I don't read anything in print anymore. In fact, 80% of what I read is in print. Like most of us, I prefer to read articles, analyses, literature, cookbooks, letters and Christmas cards in print. Who wouldn't?

But -- at five in the morning, when I start my working day -- I want to see the news now. Since my newspapers hit the doorstep at 6 or 7 am, I'd much prefer to read them online -- rather than waiting for paper? That's hardly a rejection of print.

I say something else that gets Steve's back up; I'll repeat it here:

“In fact, I find myself furious and disgusted every time IABC’s Communication World comes through the door. . . . Since I have written for CW, I know the article appears weeks or months after the blogosphere has thoroughly dissected the issue. Any day of the week, any IABC member can go into the blogosphere and find 50 better articles than CW publishes in a quarter. Note to IABC: Communication World is a benefit only for those who don’t use the Internet.”

Steve believes the blogosphere is just for mutually-congratulatory bloggers stroking their egos. Boy, is he wrong. Are 98% of blogs crap? Yep, leaving about 400, 000 out there that aren't. And, yes, in the PR/comms/advertising part of that 400,000, you generally see better articles, sooner, than you will see in CW. It's just a fact. And -- at the risk of exciting Steve's first stroke -- better and sooner than you will see them in Ragan's.

Steve rounds out his post with what can only be called a self-stroking tribute to his own reading habits.  He loves Newsweek and Time -- fittingly, he reads them while getting stoned on Margaritas, realizing intuitively they are fit only for illiterates -- and he likes his New  Yorker in bed. Me? I got out of that habit when Tina Brown was editor; it was just too kinky. But it's nice with a G&T -- in the den with all the books.

Steve chose to read my post in the most selective way imaginable. He also chose not to link to it, ensuring his readers would not be able to make their own notes. And he doesn't accept trackbacks (so his readers will never know of this post, either).

Come on, Steve. Do better than that. The Doctor would have.

Update: I see friend Shel Holtz has weighed in, and so has John Wagner.

New reader? The original article that excited Steve is here: http://allanjenkins.typepad.com/my_weblog/2005/11/will_you_read_y.html

Technorati tags:
Steve Crescenzo
Ragan Report
Hunter S. Thompson
death of print

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 10:52pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Books, Desirable Roasted Coffee, Journalism, Public Relations, Writers | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (3)

Proof that anyone can be a copywriter if he knows his product

Friend Lisa sends this link to an expired eBay auction for a pair of DKNY Men's Leather Pants. Proof, if any were needed, that the copywriter who knows his product and desperately wants to move it is capable of great work.

"You are bidding on a mistake.

We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of grandma.

And we buy leather pants...."

Read on...

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:52pm in Advertising, Bizarre & Amusing, Humor, Marketing | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0)

From our "when stupid people do smart things before reverting to stupidity" department

Charles Victor Thompson is probably not the brightest guy on the planet: shooting your ex-girlfriend and her squeeze in Texas has never been a prudent career move.

Still, you got to give the guy credit for flashes of inspiration, howsoever brief. Thompson is a death-row prisoner -- you know, the kind where they yell "Dead Man Walking" whenever they take them anywhere -- yet managed this:

Investigators said Thompson escaped Thursday by changing into street clothes, showing deputies a fake ID that indicated he was with the attorney general's office and walking away from the Harris County Jail, where he was being held for resentencing.

Read that again. I'll wait.

If that's not good for an extra helping of ice cream at his last meal, I don't know what is.

But our sad sack, the inspiration wholly sucked out of him, doesn't get far:

"Police  found him about 8 p.m. on a pay phone outside a liquor store in Shreveport, about 240 miles north of Houston.

"He appeared to be intoxicated," Matus said. The officers walked up to the escaped killer and asked him his name. He told them, "You know who I am."

Authorities said Thompson had a bicycle with him. Officers determined he was too drunk to be questioned immediately."

Frankly, I don't know what to make of all this.

I do, however, have to admire the relative openness of the Harris County Sheriff's Department, under whose care Thompson was when he produced his fake ID:

"Lt. John Martin of the Harris County Sheriff's Department in Houston .... said an investigation has already been launched.

"There's no scenario under which it's even conceivable that someone who's on death row could simply walk out of a jail," he said. "It's not the case that any force was used. He didn't use a weapon. He simply convinced us to let him walk out the front door."

Obviously, there's at least one scenario where this could happen, else he wouldn't be stuck in this mess, but I am giving Martin PR points for not running for cover at the first sign of a reporter.

Stories (multiple sources).

Technorati tags:
Charles Victor Thompson
Texas Law Enforcement
Harris County

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:08pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Bizarre but Expected, Current Affairs, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3) | TrackBack (0)

Is this Corporate Cluelessness Week? Ask Amy Gahran and Tosh Bilowski

[Update: I published without proofreading, which is always a mistake. The version you see below is an edited version of the original. The message is the same.]

Tipped off by John Wagner, I pointed the feed reader at Amy Gahran's Contentious at my first break today... Now, I'm not for a moment going to say Panasonic holds a candle to Bacon's for sheer bloody-mindedness, but it's close.

Amy has been gently, but firmly urging Panasonic to come clean about its Tosh Bilowski character blog.  Like most of us, Amy believes the character blog, in theory, can be a good thing. But,  like the rest of us, she's seen no or, at best, few, examples of character blogs that work.

And Tosh Bilowski isn't one of them. For me, it's mainly because Tosh isn't an "obvious" character (such as Captain Morgan); instead, he's being passed off as a real person (and a boring one, at that).

But what's teeth-jarringly clueless? The snooty and short-sighted responses Gahran gets from Tosh Bilowski's "handler", Jan Crittenden Livingston.

Amy noted on her own blog -- that is, in her own space, not Panasonic's -- that "Tosh" apparently wasn't accepting comments she'd posted to the blog. She pointed out that it is Panasonic's right not to publish comments, but wondered if Panasonic was "getting" the concept of conversation.

In response, Jan Crittenden Livingston shows she doesn't get it .. she writes Gahran:

Hi Amy,

The reason we are not posting your commentary is because we do not have to.... We are hoping that it can turn into a nice site where people can come and learn about all things Hi Def. We do not have to run it like any Blog or Website that you have seen before, it will be run the way we choose to run it...

Bad enough? Livingston uses the Tosh Bilowski GMail addy to sign the thing. Tacky or what?

Some people -- me, for example -- would have joyfully skewered Panasonic. Amy patiently and wonderfully turns the episode into a set of guidelines for companies contemplating character blogging.

Really fine stuff, Amy!

Technorati tags:
Panasonic
Tosh Bilowski
Jan Crittenden Livingston
Character Blogs
Amy Gahran

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:01pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Blogging, Communication, Corporate Communication, Is Tedious in the House?, Marketing, Public Relations | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2) | TrackBack (0)

Bacon's Information & Cluelessness ("it was an error in judgement..." says Bacon's Senior VP)

A final, final, installment of the Bacon's & Cluelessness series that started here and continued here...

In this segment: Bacon's SVP admits error and inadvertantly attaches email from underlings begging Bacon's SVP to call off the Desirable Roasted dog.

Back home in South Carolina, you can still hear old folks, when confronted with something so astounding that even they can't remember the like, utter, "I swan........."

Don't ask me the origin (it has nothing to do with aquatic fowl; I do know that), but it's usually accompanied by slow head-shaking and an expression of disbelief. Sometimes the next line is "Well, the lights are on over there, but ain't nobody home."

That's me, thinking of Bacon's. And by the time you read this long post, that's going to be you, too.

Yesterday, I posted, at the end of Cluelessness & Bacon's -- to finish the story, this promise:

I've sent a mail to Christine Birkner asking a) how my information got on their database and what that information is and b) asked for an explanation of the similarity between the Bacon's blog survey and the Edelman/Technorati one.

I'll keep you posted.

Many hours later, I had not gotten an acknowledgement from Christine Birkner or her boss, Karen Ericksen. Frankly, I didn't expect an answer, per se, but had hoped for a "ok, we'll get back to you" You know, just to know if someone was home over there.

I follow up...

So I followed up in an email to Christine Birkner and her boss, Karen Ericksen:

"I am sure you are aware by now the Bacon's Information Blog Survey is becoming somewhat of an embarrassment for Bacon's. A brief search on Technorati or Google Blogs or even Google itself will reveal that I am not the only blogger disturbed by the survey and how it's been handled.

 Let me repeat my questions:
 
1) How did I get into your database, and what information do you have about me?
 2) Did Bacon's Information copy the Edelman/Technorati survey?
 3) If so, why?
 4) If not, why did Bacon's Information apologize to Edelman?
 
I hope you will answer by the close of business today, since you have had a full day. If not, I will begin asking higher up in Bacon's, and report my progress daily on my blog.
 
Or you could just say "you know, this blog survey was a really, really terrible mistake & we apologize to all PR bloggers for it".
 
As always, you are welcome to contact me & I will naturally be happy to publish whatever reply you decide to send."

OK, I will plead guilty to cattle-prodding, just a little. But, see, while Bacon's wasn't responding, they were reading my blog. All day, I got several pops a minute from Bacon's or MediaSource -- moreover, they were doing Google and Technorati searches on almost any permutation of "Bacon's", "Information", "Blog", and "Survey" they could manage (some blogged their own names, but let's put that down to Blego). So it wasn't as if my email had fallen through the cracks.

Bacon's Replies and Admits "an error was made..."

Finally, I received this email, from Ruth McFarland, Senior Vice President and Publisher of Bacon's Information (in response to her underlings, Birkner and Ericksen). Let's read and parse!

Mr. Jenkins –
I have attached all information Bacon’s has about you and your blog in our database.

Ruth McFarland attached a PDF file with my info... quite sparse, actually, with my email address (which is public) and my blog address (ditto) and an accurate assessment of what I cover. So far, so good; I provide far more information on my blog.

We obtain blog information from a variety of websites and other sources such as our clients requesting certain ones to be added.  I cannot tell you who/what suggested you be added to the Bacon’s database.

That's trouble for Bacon's. Cannot or will not?

More trouble:  Fooled, apparently, by a dot.com address and American English, Bacon's assumes I am a US resident. But I am not. And it is illegal -- yes, illegal -- for US companies to register information about EU residents in US databases without their permission. The US and the EU have a treaty about this, and it's taken very seriously here. However, since Bacon's doesn't operate in the EU, it's hardly worth the effort to file charges.

The Edelman issue is between Edelman and Bacon’s.  If you wish further information, please read Phil Gomes’ blog, as he works for Edelman and can provide you with all of the details you wish.

The astute reader will have already noted that I quoted Gomes in my email to Birkner, so... that's circular. McFarland forgets I am a savvy PR blogger and can spot deflection at a thousand yards. But I have asked Gomes to comment, though I think he would be fully justified to say "buzz off, it's Bacon's fish, let them fry it."

Here comes the mea culpa:

It was an error in judgment to send out an e-mail attachment to bloggers, as it should have been an online survey.

The passive voice used in this deflection is a gem. Herman Wouk gets this just right in The Caine Mutiny when he has Lieutenant Keefer instruct young Ensign Willie Keith on how to write perfect Navy memos: "It was not thought necessary to contact fleet command. It is regretted if this thought was in error."

Who made the bad judgement call at Bacon's? It doesn't matter. An error in judgement was made....

Good enough! Bacon's need not eat more crow on my account.

But...a reward for your patience, reader!

Ruth McFarland, when she wrote to me, inadvertantly included the internal correspondence that prompted her interesting reply. So, as a reward for your patience, and for your amusement, and as a cautionary tale to cut off the tail of your email trail, I leave you with this plaintive cry for help from Christine Birkner's boss, Karen Ericksen, to Ruth McFarland:

Subject: Allen Jenkins again...

Hi Ruth,
He sent Chris (and I) another e-mail about this. Please see the note below.  I know you don't want to reply to him at all but what do you think of Chris sending a simple reply informing him that she has forwarded his comments on and her only role was to provide a point of contact to those that chose to respond. It really sounds like he's not going to let this rest.
- Karen

Technorati tags: Bacon's Information
Bacon's
Bacon's Blog Survey

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:03am in Bizarre & Amusing, Communication Skills, Is Tedious in the House?, Public Relations | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (7) | TrackBack (2)

Cluelessness & Bacon's: to finish the story

I hope you all will forgive me for leaving you hanging. My post Is Bacon's Information, Inc. utterly clueless? I'd say it's possible was posted Thursday, and some of you have been waiting breathlessly for the next installment.

[Update: the story continues!  Bacon's Information Senior VP admits "error" and forward's staff pleas to "make him stop!"]

Relax, Bacon's is still clueless. And now Phil Gomes has discovered striking similarities between Bacon's blog survey and the recent Edelman/Technorati survey... striking similarities.

So read on!

I wrote Christine Birkner, Special Project Supervisor, Bacon's Information an email in which I noted both my willingness to help and my frustration:

Christine,

I'd love to respond to your survey, since I am a PR professional who happens to blog. But while the document tries to open as a form, it's impossible to enter any data. Yes, I know how to work around that, but a) it's a great deal of trouble, b) while I merely don't have patience to do the work-around, I suspect many recipients will not even know that much.

Moreover, on all the questions where you've supplied radio buttons, I suspect I'm one of many who find them frustrating. How often do I blog? When I'm moved to do so. That can be 10 times one day, and then nothing for a week. Primary reason I blog? All three, since they are mutually supportive. I am an expert in my field, so I blog to make my opinions known AND... so that I might remain an expert in my field ... open up dialogue.

Do I find a company blog credible? Well, it depends on the company. Companies are credible. People are credible. Media, as conduits, are not credible or incredible by themselves.

So... make it easy for me (and not embarassing for Bacon's): Give me a survey that a) one can actually fill out and b) that makes sense to fill out.

Oh, and hurry. I and every other PR blogger you sent this train wreck to can put "Bacon Blog Survey" at the top of Google tomorrow, in the worst way.

Feel free to contact me at any of the contact points below.

Best regards, Allan Jenkins

To Christine Birkner's credit, she replied within a few hours, cc.ing another Bacon's Information employee whose tasks are not apparent to me (I like to think Birkner was cc:ing the Bacon's Vice President who insisted this thing go out, as a way of saying "told you so"... but she might also just be covering her ass.)

Mr. Jenkins,

 

Below is a plain text format of our survey. We apologize for the survey format. We are currently working on a website link for future surveys. I also apologize for the general nature of the questions. The survey was sent out in a mass email to all of the bloggers in our database. Feel free to tailor your responses as they apply to your blog and industry. Thanks for your participation and feedback. If you have any further questions or comments, let me know.

Read that one more time, gentle reader. Let it sink in. And let us parse.

Cluetrain derailment #1:  "The survey was sent out in a mass email to all of the bloggers in our database."

Technorati tags: Bacon's Information
Bacon's
Bacon's Blog Survey

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:37pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Communication Skills, Is Tedious in the House?, Public Relations | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0)

Bacon's Information clueless about browsers

It's no surprise that my blog has been pinged into virtual submission by the eager beavers at Bacon's. What's interesting is that Bacon's totally slaves to the idea that Internet Explorer is the only browser for right-thinking corporate drones.

Memo: we don't drone at Desirable Roasted Coffee.

No, this was not the rest of the story... just an aside.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 03:44pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Communication Skills, Is Tedious in the House?, Public Relations | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Is Bacon's Information, Inc utterly clueless? I'd say it's possible

UPDATE: this post now has a 2nd part: Cluelessness & Bacon's -- to finish the story.
And a 3rd part: Bacon's Information & Cluelessness: ("it was an error in judgement" says Bacon's Senior VP)

I love surveys. Can't resist them. I love giving my opinion on just about any subject. And I love looking at the results, where I am usually deliciously confirmed in my prejudices and suspicions about the general population.

So imagine my joy when Bacon's Information, Inc sent me a survey this afternoon to ask about my blogging habits.  Normally, I am reticent about my blogging habits -- it's such a dark art -- but Special Prosecutor.... whoops... Special Project Supervisor Christine Birkner was so inviting that I could not resist:

"I am writing from Bacon's Information, a national source of media information for corporations and public relations professionals. We are asking for your help in updating our blog database by completing the following survey. This information will assist us in updating your FREE listing in Bacon's online media databases and print directories.  Feel free to also include any contact preferences you have, including what types of information you would or would not like to receive from public relations professionals. You may reply to this e-mail, fax your updated information to 800-922-2477 or contact us at any time at blogs@bacons.com. Please contact me with questions or comments.
Thank you."
Christine Birkner
Special Project Supervisor
Bacon's Information, Inc.

Now, does that not ooze with everything that's wrong with our PR industry? Let's parse a little, shall we?

"I am writing from Bacon's Information, a national source of media information..."

Not in my country, you aren't. Christine Birkner apparently thinks I live in the United States. Boy, is she wrong.

"We are asking for your help in updating our blog database by completing the following survey."

Well, of course, they needed something from me. What's not clear is what's in it for me. Oh, wait, here it is.

"This information will assist us in updating your FREE listing in Bacon's online media databases and print directories."

Note the insipid "will assist us"... PR tyros: "help" is a perfectly good verb and makes you sound less simpering. The capitalized "FREE" indicates a writer who secretly admires the work of early direct mail copywriters; clearly, our writer is torn, split, rendered, and quartered senseless. So senseless that she/he never gets around to telling me exactly why I should want a listing, FREE or not, in Bacon's many databases. [Update: hang on... if I'm in their print directory, why don't I get a free copy?]

Finally...I opened the attachment...  a Word document. Now, yes, I can hear all of you screaming "No, No, Allan...turn away from the Light"... but I opened it.

Corruption, corruption... Tom Dewey probably came out of the grave. A mess that was impossible to fill out because of bad formatting, bad attempts to mesh HTML, forms, and Word, you name it...

A train wreck.

Oh, there's more.... I wrote Christine Birkner.

To be continued... UPDATE: this post now has a 2nd part: Cluelessness & Bacon's -- to finish the story.

Technorati tags: Bacon's InformationBacons

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 10:53pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Communication Skills, Is Tedious in the House?, Public Relations | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3) | TrackBack (2)

Harriet Miers is Blogging!

Well, not really. But within hours of Miers' nomination to be Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court, some enterprising wit put up Harriet Miers's Blog!!! The Blog of the #1 Smartest President Ever's #1 Pick to be the Next Associate Justice of the Supreme Court.

The humor may fade quickly, but so far it's a hoot.

Hat tip to Catallarchy, via Political Calculations, via Drakeview, via BNET.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:43am in Bizarre & Amusing, Current Affairs, Humor, Law, People of Note, Politics | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Straits Times: Blogs Much Worse Than Porn

Carl Skadian, Straits Times reporter, has recently discovered blogs. And they scare the bejesus out of him.

Get a load of the lead:

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:39am in Bizarre & Amusing, Citizen Journalism, Civil Liberty, Journalism | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3) | TrackBack (0)

The Reason I'll Never be Rich....

... is because I never would have dreamed up the Million Dollar Homepage (sort of like I wouldn't have dreamed up