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March 19, 2008Modernista! vs Wikipedia. When smart-ass upstart takes on stuffy upstart
As I am increasingly tired of Wikipedian Update: the Wikipedians pulled it down. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 12:21am in Advertising, Advertising & PR, Humor, Social Media | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (7) | TrackBack (0) March 11, 2008Map of the path not taken
I came of age before Gary Gygax's (PBUH) Dungeons & Dragons fell onto my radar. And I escaped the fad unscathed. My first and only experience with D&D was in intelligence school (I needed remedial, you see) in the Navy, where the Dungeon Master and I rapidly came to collision ("Man, I don't need no 10-sided dice to decide if the fuckin' dwarf dies, just kill him"). I was soon booted from the Dungeon, but the DM was soon booted from the Navy on morals charges, so I call it even. Since then, I have been utterly sure that I was never infected by the D&D virus. But I can see from the map below... and I have traveled a good bit of it... that I must be carrying antibodies. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 10:39pm in Career management, Cartography, History, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0) February 23, 2008What women want
What do women want in the workplace? This 1943 Guide to Hiring Women suggests 11 ways to get the most out of that girl at the office, including: 7. Whenever possible, let the inside employee change from one job to another at some time during the day. Women are inclined to be less nervous and happier with change. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 06:31pm in History, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0) January 13, 2008Flags of world, graded on design
Josh Parsons, a philosophy professor in New Zealand, has favored us by grading the flags of countries according to design. An important effort, and one for which I am grateful. One cannot help but nod in agreement with his helpful advice to flag designers, of which I quote three: "I also felt that I ought to pick out some types of written things on flags for special punishment, besides the name of the country. "British colonies and former colonies love putting widdly little coats of arms on their flags with Latin slogans like 'et cetera' and 'Caecilius est in horto' on them (e.g. Cayman Islands, British Virgin Islands). This is because junior civil servants in the Crown Office of Naming Other People's Countries want to show off how valuable their Etonian education is. "Even this is not the worst. Some British civil servants do not even have an Etonian education. Thus: Violations of rule 1c leads to horrors such as the flag of the Falkland Islands. Brazil also deserve mention for awfulness in this regard (though I cannot begin to do justice to the badness of their flag at this early stage)." Posted by Allan Jenkins at 10:59pm in Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0) July 02, 2007Desirable Roasted Coffee is not G rated...
While it doesn't exactly explain a month's hiatus from the Noble Blogosphere, I will say I've been put off blogging ever since -- that is, since 4:04 PM today -- I found out my blog is G-rated. G-rated? Only one thing to do. Jump back into the fray and get that rating to R -- at the very least -- by Christmas. Hopkins is crowing that he's G-rated, but he would be what with that rock wallaby case coming up. Kami Huyse is G-rated, too. Hat tip to both. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:17pm in Blog Management, Gadgets & Toys, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3) March 09, 2007Free licorice if the airplane successfully crash lands at sea
That's right... if your plane successfully crash lands at sea, you get licorice (this guy wanted the black licorice, but his previous selection was no longer available, so he got red). From the highly amusing Airtoons. Hat tip to Michael Stibbe. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:10pm in Humor, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) October 31, 2006Miss Dewey: a search engine for Lee Hopkins
Brother Lee Hopkins, who likes a pretty ankle almost as he likes a good Googling, can have both with Miss Dewey, a fetching, though tart-tounged, virtual receptionist. Via PSFK Read more "Miss Dewey: a search engine for Lee Hopkins" Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:11pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Gadgets & Toys, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2) August 08, 2006Buy your own Web 2.0 startup!
It might not make sense, but who said this bubble had to make more sense than the last one? You can buy your own Web 2.0 start-up -- Yoosi (pronounced You See because, you see, that's what you do when you look at it, apparently) whose founders and developers are letting it go to pursue other interests. David Utter at Internet Financial News covers the sale. Just head on over to eBay and put in a bid. But hurry... bidding closes August 11, 2006. I won't be bidding, because I am hard at work on my own Web 2.0 start-up, by the way. It's called Udidden (beta) (pronounced You Didn't). It'll be an open source, Ajaxy thing + Drupl, that lets you see stock prices, check your RSS feeds , check the weather at any US zip code (and major foreign cities) and -- and this is the new thing -- lets you construct an alibi for the night before that your partner can subscribe to (RSS, of course!). Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:20am in Business, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) August 07, 2006Judge Pendleton Gaines orders lawyers to cut crap, go to lunch
In what I can only admire as a remarkable act of judicial common sense, Arizona Superior Court Judge Pendleton Gaines has ordered Defendant's counsel to accept Plaintiff's counsel's invitation to lunch. His kind words about Defendant's counsel's rhetorical skills will, I am certain, allay Defendant's counsel's fear of a prandial ambush: "Defendant's counsel distrusts Plaintiff's counsel's motives and fears that Plaintiff's counsel's purpose is to persuade Defendant's counsel of the lack of merit in the defense case. The Court has no doubt of Defendant's counsel's ability to withstand Plaintiff's counsel's blandishments and to respond sally for sally and barb for barb." But Gaines isn't to be trifled with. When Defendant's counsel agrees to have lunch with Plaintiff's counsel at "Ruth's Chris" restaurant, the Judge immediately sees through the subterfuge and fires off a footnote: "Everyone knows that Ruth's Chris, while open for dinner, is not open for lunch. This is a matter of which the Court may take judicial notice." Whipping out a Zagat's Guide from beneath his robe, Gaines orders the parties to choose from his list of "fine restaurants within easy driving distance...." And he goes on to direct how the bill shall be divided (and, thoughtfully, orders a 20% tip included). He will brook no delay: "The lunch must be conducted and concluded not later than August 18, 2006. The Court is aware of the penchant of Plaintiff's counsel to take extended cruises during the summer months." And finishes helpfully: "The Court suggests that serious discussion occur after counsel have eaten. The temperaments of the Court's children always improved after a meal." Having given Plaintiff's counsel what it wanted, Judge Gaines now gives something to Defendant's counsel: "To demonstrate ... that the Court has more on its mind than lunch, the Court [grants] Defendant's motion to strike Plaintiff's proposed amended complaint. Plaintiff's proposed amended complaint is ... prolix and discursive in the extreme. It violates the observation of French philosopher Blaise Pascal, who concluded a long letter with an apology, saying "he had not the leisure to make it shorter." Since this is a 2003 case with no end in sight, Plaintiff's counsel has the leisure to make his complaint shorter." Speaking for myself, Judge Pendleton Gaines gets my support for the next open seat on the US Supreme Court. Update: in a 2002 interview, Judge Gaines talks about the great advantages technology brings to the courtroom. We like His Honor even more, now! Technorati Tags:
pendleton gaines, law, humor, arizona superior court
Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:27pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Humor, Law | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) April 07, 2006Nobodies of the world unite! But quietly, please.
I am still a nobody. But Eric Eggertson and Ike Pigott (his graphic at left) and Andrea Werckerle and Shel Holtz and Lee Hopkins and Linda Zimmer and Gary Goldhammer (and wouldn't that be a dream team for some client?!!) swung around and declared themselves to be nobodies, too. Well, if they are nobodies, I'm damned glad to be one, too. Sign me up! We have a blog and a store. And if you feel you are a nobody like us... let me know. You can join the blog. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:31am in Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) March 16, 2006Web 2.0 bubble illustrated
Via Bubble 2.0 (Oh, God, just one more bubble!) comes this lovely illustration of why Web 2.0 may indeed be another bubble. (Bubble 2.0 picked it up from Loic LeMeur.) Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:41pm in Business, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2) February 17, 2006Four Tags (will this meme ever die?)
Robert French tagged me, leaving me with the choice of ignoring the Four Things thingy or inflicting it on helpless others. Naturally, I choose "inflict". Four Jobs I've Had Four Movies I Can Watch Over and Over
Four TV Shows I Love to Watch
Four Favorite Cities
Four Favorite Dishes
Four Websites I Visit Daily (or pretty close)
Four Places I'd Rather Be
Four Bloggers I am Tagging
Ooops, Donna was already tagged.
Ookeee...off to the races. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 12:05am in Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (7) November 24, 2005Onion pokes Sony....ooooh. That must be giving Sony's PR folks fits.
When The Onion aims its shotguns at a company, it's never a pretty sight. I wonder if Sony's PR people are bunkering down or polishing their resumes? Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:08am in Humor, Public Relations, Technology | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0) November 22, 2005"Performancing" skewers "blogging for benjamins"
Hat tip to Steve Rubel for pointing to Performancing, an amusing send-up of all those "make money from your blog" scams and sites popping up all over. While it's not as funny as the Onion, it's a cackler. The "mission statement" strikes just the right note: "To create a home for professional bloggers. A place where those
that want to make money from their blogs can learn, and perfect the art
of making a living from weblogging." Performancing.com is a group weblog written by professional
bloggers, for professional bloggers. The emphasis at Performancing is commercial blogging. The business model will become apparent in time, but for now you can rest assured of the following: I'm reminded of John Belushi in Animal House: "Have a beer (belch)... don't cost nuthin!" Don't know what to blog about? Here's some timely "advice": When you read advice telling you to "stay focused" when blogging, doesn't it
seem like the easiest thing in the world to do? It does to me, but then i start
writing, and man, it is not easy. Really, I can't think off hand of any topic that would
force you to stay on track, it's something I find very hard, and im reasonably
certain im not alone... One way i've found to help me stay on topic is to define a question for that
topic. With this site, it's "will this post help bloggers make money?" . If i
can answer yes to that question, then the post idea is good to go... Here's how to beat those dreaded "blogging blues" (The prose and spelling are right out of Instant Messenger and the slightly screwy optimism is right out of Up With People): All of a sudden you feel depressed about your blog. The questions start flying
in your mind: why am I not getting visitors? why is it so hard to stay on topic?
how do I get my blog seen? Those question mount up to become a beast standing in
your way to becoming a professional and popular blogger... Sound familiar? I'll 'ing bet it does! Thing is though, that this is all part of it. I feel like that several times
a day some weeks, if I didn't, i'd not have much motivation to do anything I
think. For me, being on edge about your blogs RSS subs, income, memberships and
links is all part of the game -- it's not a matter of beating it, it's a matter
of recognizing it, and embracing it as one more weapon in the aresonal. There's plenty more. Go have fun. And don't miss the spot-on "testimonial" on the About page. I have been looking for like-minded people, who want to, and are able to, make a
profession out of the internet. Technorati Tags:
performancing, parody websites, satire, humor Posted by Allan Jenkins at 09:14am in Blogging for Benjamins, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0) November 10, 2005Man Kills Buck With Bare Hands in Bedroom
I watched a guy from Greenpeace on TV talking about "having a dialogue" with nature. Whatever the validity of his basic argument, the idea of "dialogue" with nature is silly. And here's my proof: Man Kills Buck With Bare Hands In Bedroom Goldsberry
finally subdued the five-point whitetail deer that crashed through a
bedroom window at his daughter's home Friday. When it was over, blood
splattered the walls and the deer lay dead on the bedroom floor, its
neck broken... Indeed. What's hilarious is Goldsberry broke off the fight to go ask his wife to call the police (and, who knows, maybe he had time for a beer) before rejoining the battle. I don't think conflict resolution training would have done much good, either. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 04:24pm in Bizarre but Expected, Food, Humor, South | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (4) | TrackBack (0) November 09, 2005Proof that anyone can be a copywriter if he knows his product
Friend Lisa sends this link to an expired eBay auction for a pair of DKNY Men's Leather Pants. Proof, if any were needed, that the copywriter who knows his product and desperately wants to move it is capable of great work. "You are bidding on a mistake. We all make mistakes. We date the wrong people for too long. We chew
gum with our mouths open. We say inappropriate things in front of
grandma. And we buy leather pants...." Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:52pm in Advertising, Bizarre & Amusing, Humor, Marketing | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0) November 07, 2005From our "when stupid people do smart things before reverting to stupidity" department
Charles Victor Thompson is probably not the brightest guy on the planet: shooting your ex-girlfriend and her squeeze in Texas has never been a prudent career move. Still, you got to give the guy credit for flashes of inspiration, howsoever brief. Thompson is a death-row prisoner -- you know, the kind where they yell "Dead Man Walking" whenever they take them anywhere -- yet managed this: Investigators said Thompson escaped Thursday by changing into street
clothes, showing deputies a fake ID that indicated he was with the
attorney general's office and walking away from the Harris County Jail,
where he was being held for resentencing. Read that again. I'll wait. If that's not good for an extra helping of ice cream at his last meal, I don't know what is. But our sad sack, the inspiration wholly sucked out of him, doesn't get far: "Police found him about 8 p.m. on a pay
phone outside a liquor store in Shreveport, about 240 miles north of
Houston. "He appeared to be intoxicated," Matus said. The
officers walked up to the escaped killer and asked him his name. He
told them, "You know who I am." Authorities said Thompson had a bicycle with him. Officers determined he was too drunk to be questioned immediately." Frankly, I don't know what to make of all this. I do, however, have to admire the relative openness of the Harris County Sheriff's Department, under whose care Thompson was when he produced his fake ID: "Lt. John Martin of the Harris County Sheriff's Department in Houston .... said an investigation has already been launched. "There's
no scenario under which it's even conceivable that someone who's on
death row could simply walk out of a jail," he said. "It's not the case
that any force was used. He didn't use a weapon. He simply convinced us
to let him walk out the front door." Obviously, there's at least one scenario where this could happen, else he wouldn't be stuck in this mess, but I am giving Martin PR points for not running for cover at the first sign of a reporter.
Technorati tags: Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:08pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Bizarre but Expected, Current Affairs, Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3) | TrackBack (0) November 06, 2005Blog for sale on eBay?
With Calacanis off the market, and with the value of Lee Hopkins' Better Communication Results rocketing into the nose-bleed seats, the blog market is making the housing market look puny. So savvy investors puckered and salivated, I'm sure, when Business Blog Consulting broke the news that the PocketPCAddict blog is for sale on eBay... at a bargain current bid of just over US$ 2000. So I wandered over to the site... except, it came up 404. Ooooh.... Then I checked the Google cache: Wow, that's not pretty. Google cache renderings often aren't the best looking girl at the dance, but here's a "blog" replete with Google Adsense in every available space, banner ads from "partners" , you name it. Oh, and it's not a blog -- it's more of a forum. Checking Technorati, PocketPCAddict.com has a fair number of incoming links, but they are mostly from spam blogs. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 10:11pm in Humor | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0) October 04, 2005Harriet Miers is Blogging!
The humor may fade quickly, but so far it's a hoot. Hat tip to Catallarchy, via Political Calculations, via Drakeview, via BNET. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:43am in Bizarre & Amusing, Current Affairs, Humor, Law, People of Note, Politics | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0) September 28, 2005The Reason I'll Never be Rich....
... is because I never would have dreamed up the Million Dollar Homepage (sort of like I wouldn't have dreamed up Skype, either). Hat tip to Thomas Kristiansen. Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:01pm in Bizarre & Amusing, Humor, Marketing | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3) | TrackBack (0) September 21, 2005Feeling Poorly?
Yes, I admit I suffer from Podcast Anxiety. Fortunately, there's treatment. I just don't think Danish National Health Insurance covers it... Posted by Allan Jenkins at 06:19am in Humor, Podcasting | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0) |
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In support of 
Yesterday, I was a nobody. Oh, I hear you murmuring "no, no, Allan... you aren't!", but the Journal of Employee Communication Management says I am. And there you go.
Well, not really. But within hours of Miers' nomination to be Associate Justice of the US Supreme Court, some enterprising wit put up 