Atlanta's Terminal E: "Jesus Christ himself couldn't get his bags in less than an hour."

While I don't buy it, a widespread theory holds that ritualized humiliation and a foretaste of Hell is good for you.

Well, if the theory holds, arriving in Atlanta's Terminal E is very, very good for you.

Now, I don't want to be churlish about air travel: with luck, I can leave Copenhagen at mid-day and be in my beloved South in time for dinner. 

But Atlanta Hartsfield airport seems determined to say: we are going to make you regret arriving here.

Upon arrival at Terminal E, you are sent through the usual immigration/bag collection/customs witlessness ("Did you purchase anything abroad, sir?" "Well, I live abroad." "Did you purchase anything abroad, sir?" "You mean, besides my house and everything I own? No..." "Welcome to the USA, sir, and excuse the fact I am a moron.").

In every other airport, this exchange would signal your liberation. Not so at Atlanta Terminal E: it signals purgatory. Because now, after collecting your bags and getting them through customs, you are forced to give them up again. That's right... you must recheck your bags, and you will be given no receipt for them. And you won't be told where to pick them up -- 1.5 miles (2.4 km) away -- you will need to suss that out for yourself.

While your bags are on their way elsewhere, you will stand in yet another line and subject yourself to a full security inspection. Just as if you are about to board an airplane, instead of leave an airport. You will show your documents, you will take off your shoes, you will show that your laptop works (and woe betide the lamer who depletes his battery working on the plane).

While in line for "inspection" I muttered "This sure puts a new twist on baggage claim." To which the traveler in front of me responded, "Jesus Christ himself couldn't get his bags in less than an hour in Atlanta Hartsfield."

When you do get through security, you will need to travel 1.5 miles by train to the 2nd baggage claim. If you are lucky, your bag will arrive when you do. If it arrives before you do, there's every chance you will never see it again... the 2nd baggage claim is open to the street, and can be (and is) entered by anyone with sticky fingers and a waiting car.

Welcome to Atlanta.

Technorati Tags: atlanta, airport, hartsfield, concourse e, security, arrivls

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 04:10pm in Bizarre & Unexpected, Is Tedious in the House?, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (2) | TrackBack (0)

Amtrak stops trains for Daylight Saving Time

They stop the train for Daylight Saving Time? I can't believe it's been two years since I posted this... I still love the idea.

Technorati : Amtrak, daylight saving time, daylight savings time

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:34am in Bizarre & Amusing, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0)

Monocle offers ludicrous list of world's most liveable cities

Warning: this post is a rant, so if you aren't in the mood, move on.

In a flurry of optimism, I recently bought a copy of Monocle, one of those magazines that shows up just as the economy is overheating (memo to self: new magazines = move assets to cash). And what a great investment that was: for just $10, I bought enough vapid writing & bad layout to last a lifetime. Straight to recycling the next day.

So I shuddered with doubt when PSFK, one of the best blogs around for following new trends, reffed Monocle in 20 Most Liveable Cities. I was sure PSFK was making a mistake, and I was dead right. Here's the list and Monocle's brave attempts at justifying each placement.

01- Munich: Munich emerged as Monocle's most liveable city in the world. Perfect work-life balance, great green spaces; all around pleasant place to be.

02- Copenhagen: The city's slogan says it all: "There's something modern in the state of Denmark". Indeed, the city is a veritable maelstrom of creative activity and youthful dynamism. One of several beacons in the North. I live here and have never heard that slogan, but never mind. In this "veritable maelstrom", it's possible to walk into a Michelin star restaurant on a weeknight, without a reservation, and be seated. That's how happening it is.

03- Zürich: In Zürich, small and perfectly formed has turned out to be both a blessing and a curse.

04- Tokyo: Integrated transport, breathtaking technology, great service and the best bars make this our top big city.

05- Vienna: Vienna is back at the heart of Europe - its well-connected airline helped put it in fifth place.Vienna has always been at the heart of Europe... look at a damned map. And Austrian Airlines has always been dreadful... why on earth Niki Lauda sold his fine airline to them is beyond me.

06- Helsinki: The fastest flying times from Europe to Asia's hubs make Helsinki more than Nokia-town. Somehow, being able to make a fast escape doesn't say much for Helsinki...

07- Sidney: The city has some environmental issues and an antiquated transport system. But then there's the beach…And then there's Sydney.

08- Stockholm: An eye for detail, good street style and strong public services make this a pleasant place to build a nest.

09- Honolulu: The city has the luxury of sitting on Asia's doorstep. This is great news but it needs to put it to use. Admiral Nimitz would agree, but anyone else? Doorstep?

10- Madrid: Red tape and poor infrastructure are counterbalanced by cultural vibrancy and a 24-hour lifestyle. Sort of like Nairobi.

11- Melbourne: The city scores every time for sport and culture. Just pack an umbrella. Just matchmaking....but maybe Sidney should introduce Melbourne to Vancouver?

12- Montreal: A laid-back bilingual city where the good life comes at a bargain price.

13- Barcelona: Cradled by the sea and mountains and rocked by crime and grime. Well, so is Lagos. Is there some sort of hidden Euro-centric agenda here?

14- Kyoto: Low-rise, high style: the city mixes the best of modernity and tradition.

15- Vancouver: Well-connected and wealthy, just make sure you like talking sport. I dated Vancouver once... her parents didn't approve, though, and field hockey was unkind to her legs....

16- Auckland: Great setting, Polynesian culture and an improved transport system.And they are getting another new bus next year!

17- Singapore: It's still conservative but this city state is enjoying a cultural boom.

18- Hamburg: The ship's come in for this port city with ambitious growth plans.

19- Paris: It rains, dogs foul the street, there's little green space but the city works.As it has for more than a thousand years. But thanks for the update.

20- Geneva: It may have a Latin beat but what really makes Geneva tick is cash. How helpful. I'll load the iPod with Xavier Cugat.

I've been fortunate enough to visit 13 of these cities (some of them dozens of times), and live in two, and I'll be the first to say every one of them deserves to be on this list. Not one of them deserves the "just look it up on Wikipedia and write something; we have stock photos already" treatment given them by Monocole. No points to PSFK for retailing this crap.

Technorati : PSFK, bad journalism, meaningless lists, monocle, stupid travel writing

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:13pm in Is Tedious in the House?, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Driving across America... like taking the subway!

Driving across the US is as easy as taking the subway!

Well, it would seem so if you reduce the Interstate Highway map to diagram form.

Via the estimable Strange Maps blog. You can buy the map from Chris Yates.

Technorati : cartography, interstate highway system, interstates, maps

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 02:02pm in Cartography, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0)

Now this will be handy for that next trip to Miami

I love Miami Beach (yes, for all the wrong reasons). Unfortunately, getting there from Copenhagen usually means spending time in the incapable hands of British Airways or Air France (though, that is far better than being in the hands of United or American).

Always aiming to make life easy, the kids at Mountain View have added a natatory alternative to aviation.

Yes, type "Copenhagen to Miami" in Google Map's routemaking function, and you will be guided through Germany, the Low Countries, and part of France.

So far so good.

But then the instruction: Swim across the Atlantic Ocean.

The entire trip is estimated to take 30 days and 13 hours. I am not sure why it's necessary to come ashore in downtown Boston, though.

Via The Map Room, of course.

Technorati : copenhagen-to-miami, map room, transatlantic travel

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 10:58pm in Cartography, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0)

Free licorice if the airplane successfully crash lands at sea

That's right... if your plane successfully crash lands at sea, you get licorice (this guy wanted the black licorice, but his previous selection was no longer available, so he got red). From the highly amusing Airtoons.

Hat tip to Michael Stibbe.

    Technorati : airline safety cards, airtoons, humor, parody, travel

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:10pm in Humor, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1)

Fairly frightening what a committee can invent

About 10 years ago, I led the agency team responsible for rebranding Denmark as a tourist destination for UK and Irish folks. We did tons of research, lots of interviews, shook the databases, and realized --- whoa. We don't have fjords (problem, because we competed with Norway) or tulips (damn the Dutch).

We did find, though, that people that had been to Denmark, and who were recommending it, were emphasizing the friendliness of the people, the easy life, the smiling faces.

We went with that and helped increase tourism to Denmark from the UK by 11% in one year.

Just pointing it out to the Washington State, USA, tourist board because -- after this lunker of a campaign -- you're going to need help. My team's ready. Tanned and rested. Because we did NOT go to Washington this year.

(The following is lifted hook, line, and sinker from Media Orchard... Scott, don't sue me!)

No, the other Washington. That state in the Pacific Northwest has come up with a new tourism slogan. And according to the Seattle Times, it was an arduous process:

The slogan, 18 months in development ... was chosen with input from a 32-member "brand development task force," that included Chamber of Commerce directors, tourism officials and business representatives from around the state.

The result? The old slogan, "Experience Washington," has been replaced by: "SayWA."

18 months. 32 people. SayWA?

Best line from the Times story --

"Thirty-five years ago I smoked dope and probably could have come up with something like that," said Darrell Bryan, general manager of Victoria Clipper, the largest tour operator in the Northwest.

(Image from KOMO-TV)

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:36am in Advertising, Is Tedious in the House?, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3)

Major prize offered to intrepid readers of Lee Hopkins

Lee Hopkins, who is now clinging by his nails to the Antipodean Futon of Communication at Desirable Roasted Coffee, offered up a post that... borders the bizarre. Actually, after careful thought, I'd say the post crosses many boundaries.

I am offering a prize, of £1.50, to anyone who can, in 50 words or less, explain what Hopkins was on about.

My first cut was this:

"Pretty girl. Nice breasts. Blue water. Clearly not in Australia, as she seems unworried about sharks or box jellies. He's going Paul Hogan on us. Ok, we know Paul Hogan. Shrimps on the barbie. Not funny. Wallabies on a barbie = amusing, maybe not funny, must try. .."

I'm lost.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 11:52pm in Advertising, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (6)

Useful information from Kayak Buzz

A couple of days ago, I gave the Kayak Buzz Flight Search site a once-over and found it sorely lacking.

Kayak's chief architect, Bill O'Donnell, has since responded: first in a comment to my original post, and later in email. While Kayak Buzz Flight Search may still be in the "more fun than useful" stage, you have to give them points for taking up the conversation:

You're absolutely right, the location of the Oslo airport was wrong: as any good student of geography knows, "off the coast of west africa" is zero degrees latitude and zero degrees longitude. Any geographical feature in our database that is missing it's latitude and longitude ends up there. We found the problem yesterday and fixed it.

We think Kayak Buzz is a fun toy, even if it's utility is, um, open to debate. But, we feel it does present an accurate view of what people are finding for low fares, and where they are traveling. More importantly, it demonstrates the real bargains that real people find using our search tool.

We released a new version of Buzz today, by the way. It lets you be much more specific about where you want to search. Come back and give us another chance!

Well, I'll do just that over the next few weeks and, if the kinks are worked out, be happy to re-review!

Bill later wrote me that non-North American coverage is not as deep as they want it to be, which probably accounts for the results I've been getting. True enough, when I plug in queries from US cities I'm familiar with, the results are better.

Let's keep an eye on Kayak Buzz Flight Search.

Technorati Tags: Kayak Buzz Flight Search, Kayak Buzz, Google Maps, cheap flights

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 11:05pm in Business, Cartography, Communication, Gadgets & Toys, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Kayak Buzz is a useless toy: wrong fares, bad geography

Sometimes an idea comes along that looks so good at first glance that even the mighty Scoble posts about it. So much the worse when the idea falls to pieces at the first poke. Kayak Buzz Flight Searches is one of these.

The idea is simple enough: let people buzz about cheap fares they are finding, then mashup the findings on a Google map. Excellent idea? Sure... and living proof that even garbage can be made to look good if you pretty it up.

Let's have a look, shall we?

I looked for fares from my home city, Copenhagen, in the under $200 range.  Here's what Kayak Buzz found:

Now, right away we have problems. I'll pass on commenting about the uselessness of a program that doesn't recognize domestic flights, and go right to the burning question: Where's Oslo?

Well, in fact, it's where it always is, at the end of Oslo Fjord -- but you wouldn't know it from this map.

So where does Kayak Buzz think Oslo is?

Why, just off the Nigerian coast (and here I'll just note that I am sure there's no connection between Kayak Buzz and Norwegian Nigerian scam letters).

Now, bad geography is a surmountable fault. After all, anyone aiming for Oslo presumably knows where it is, and will not be misled.

But the prices are as bogus as the geography.

Below I reproduce a chart from the Scandinavian Airlines website, showing current fares out of Copenhagen. They are in Danish kroner, but DKK 650 = US$100, DKK 1300 = US$ 200, etc. The astute reader (have I any other kind?) will immediately note there's no earthly relationship between Kayak Buzz's findings and SAS prices.

Bad toy! Baaaaad toy!

Via Rubel (who should know better!)

Technorati tags:
Kayak Buzz
Google maps
cheap flights

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 06:15am in Business, Cartography, Gadgets & Toys, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0)

You like your experience on our airline? Blog it!

Via Fredrik Wackå comes news that Hapag Lloyd Express, a low-price airline, is giving passengers the chance to blog their experience with the airline:

"Hapag-Lloyd Express, a provider of low-cost flights that in 2004 carried 2.7 million passengers, are using blogs as part of their customer loyalty program. Perhaps they weren't the first in their business to realize this obvious blog use, I don't know, but it's a good idea nevertheless. At HLX Urlaubsblogs everyone that has booked a flight can publish photos and post to blogs. Travelling is experiencing, experiences are best shared and blogging is sharing. Travels and blogs are a perfect match."

While we have Fredrik front and center, he recently updated his European Corporate Blogs list, which is simply THE directory for corporate blogs in this part of the world.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 07:24pm in Communication, Marketing, Public Relations, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

They stop the trains for Daylight Saving Time?

If any one other than Shelley Powers had posted this, I'd say I was being duped:

I called Amtrak to ask about the mysterious extra hour in the schedule, due to Daylight Savings Time ending, and the very nice lady I talked to said that the train actually does stop around 2 in the morning, and waits for time to catch up.

So at 2 in the morning, somewhere in the badlands of North DakotaMinnesota, a lone train will slow and then stop–sitting for an hour on the tracks among the scrub and coyotes, the starry night and the cold, bitter wind.

The Daylight Saving Time trivia website agrees:

To keep to their published timetables, trains cannot leave a station before the scheduled time. So, when the clocks fall back one hour in October, all Amtrak trains in the U.S. that are running on time stop at 2:00 a.m. and wait one hour before resuming. Overnight passengers are often surprised to find their train at a dead stop and their travel time an hour longer than expected. At the spring Daylight Saving Time change, trains instantaneously become an hour behind schedule at 2:00 a.m., but they just keep going and do their best to make up the time.

Anyone who's ridden Amtrak more than a few miles knows "doing their best to make up the time" is pretty much a 24/7/365  challenge for them. I suspect the "stopping for an hour" exercise is designed so they can be on time at least once a year.  But I love trains, and Amtrak does give discounts to veterans, and so they deserve as much public support as they can muster.

Technorati tags:
Amtrak
Daylight Saving Time
Daylight Savings Time

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 11:29am in Bizarre & Unexpected, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Come Fly With Me

Here's a fine little podcast: Come Fly With Me.  Program 8.5 is a bit chilling though... cockpit transmissions from the recent Jet Blue "damn-that-was close" landing at LAX.

Hat tip to Rubel.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 11:20am in Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (3) | TrackBack (0)

Yeah, we got eggs in Denmark. And Ireland's Starting to Look Like America

A couple of years ago, I was with an American tourist in a Danish supermarket. He was gape-jawed for a while, then turned to me: "No wonder you don't miss home. You've got all the same stuff here!"

Since we were standing in the egg & dairy section, and had just passed through the produce section, I have to say I was at a loss for words. I know he wasn't, on a purely objective level, surprised we have eggs, milk, cheese, and celery here in Europe but... somewhere, deep down, he was surprised and disappointed.

So I was delighted with Don Boudreaux's post at Cafe Hayek, where he gently but firmly castigates an American who laments that Ireland is starting to "look like America":

Dear Mr. Ebnet:

You are "saddened" that Ireland is becoming economically prosperous. No, that’s not quite right (or fair of me): You are "saddened" because Ireland is losing its "identity" as its people cooperate ever more closely with more and more peoples from around the world in a process that improves their standards of living.

The sight of "foreign manufacturing plants" in Ireland burdens you with "oppressive melancholy." You regret that Gaelic is fading today everywhere as a spoken language, save in the western coast of Ireland – the part that remains poorest and that hasn’t yet been much affected by globalization.

It's not uncommon: the US tourist comes to "quainte olde Europe" for the first time and expects to see Heidi-in-pigtails tending cows in the Swiss Alps, or meet garrulous and sage farmers in a Yorkshire pub, or experience Danny Kaye singing "Wonderful, wonderful Copenhagen!" while all the fishwives clap flounder in unison. You'd think CNN would have taken care of these illusions, but no.

So my fellow American goes home, disillusioned, disenchanted, grumbling, "I thought Europe would be different."

Why the grumbling? Couldn't tell you. Boudreaux seems to think it might spring from the American expecting no let on his own material wealth while hoping others hadn't cottoned on to the good life. I think it's simpler than that: ignorance of other cultures combined with a genuine desire to see a romantic alternative to McMansions and the "Motor Mile" out on the by-pass.

Doesn't work that way. Never has. Fact is, most of the time, so much more boring than fiction.

ADDENDUM: the "most of the time" in the line just above was a throwaway. I didn't realize London was being attacked just before I wrote it. Too often, when fact is more interesting than fiction, it's because common murderers had, on that day, more imagination than writers.

My own family is coming to Denmark next week, passing through London. They aren't naive; they've been here before: they don't go slack-jawed in the supermarket (Shit! Y'all got apples, too!). But, somehow, I would like to be able to show them it is different here. Not so paranoid. Not so angry.

But that will be a damned hard row to hoe... and maybe the wrong row to hoe... after today.

London has endured far worse days than today. And Londoners are as gritty and bitter and as optimistic as New Yorkers, Washingtonians and the people of Madrid. London, like New York and Madrid, will shrug these murders off and go on.

Copenhagen and Rome are, according to Danish media, next on the list. Well, Copenhagen and Rome have endured far worse than terrorists can throw at them, too. Just like New York, Madrid, and London.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 12:36pm in Denmark, Economics, Expatriate Life, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (8) | TrackBack (0)

Podcasts from The Vatican

Neville Hobson reports we can expect podcasts from Rome as Pope John Paul II's health deteriorates.

Neville writes:

One medium I will be following closely is the Catholic Insider, the podcast blog by Father Roderick Vonhögen, catholic priest of the Archdiocese of Utrecht here in The Netherlands.

As I write this, Father Roderick's latest post today says:

In an hour I will take the plane to Rome from Schiphol airport. The upcoming week I will be podcasting from the Vatican to keep you informed about everything that's happening over there.

Father Roderick is an outstanding podcaster, a natural communicator. As he often says in his shows, no boring sermons here. So I'm sure his podcasts in the coming days will be required listening, whatever your religion.

As far as I know, this the first instance we've had of a podcaster saying I'm traveling to podcast from what I believe will be an historic event.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 08:45pm in Blogging, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (1) | TrackBack (0)

Back to the Road: No Posts Until Next Week

We are headed up into the hills of NC and Virginia before returning to Denmark, so no posts here at DRC for at least a week.

Keep the pot warm.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 01:40pm in Desirable Roasted Coffee, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)

Why I have been AWOL

Obsessive Desirable Roasted Coffee readers (and if you aren't one, why not?) will have noticed a paucity of posts the last 18 days.

The drought is owed to a 3-week trip through the American South with my friend Christine: New Orleans to DC entirely by backroads (OK, in the interest of civilization, we did stop in NYC for a few days on the way into the country).

I'm probably stating the obvious, but out here on the backroads of the South, PR and blogging register on the public consciousness somewhere below Real Madrid's prospects in the upcoming season and far below where you can get a drink even in a dry county (Factoid: Jack Daniels is made in a dry county).

[I deleted a paragraph on Charles Pizzo's request But then Charles complained that I had deleted the para, so I decded to restore it. Since I cannot restore the original, I am writing it again. People that don't like that can compain.]

In fact, the only time I heard the word "blog" was in a long lovely lunch with Charles Pizzo, who punctated every other sentence with 'you better not put this in your f****** blog'"

1000 miles and many backroads later, we have fetched up in Upstate South Carolina, where I am from, and so I have a couple of days to catch up. So... a post or two for a day or two, then another week of silence.

Posted by Allan Jenkins at 05:08pm in Desirable Roasted Coffee, Travel | Permalink | Comments Welcome! (0) | TrackBack (0)